“I have nothing to say.” – Anish Kapoor
I actually have a lot to say, but I’m a bit preoccupied at the moment. Everything is jumbled up in my teeny brain, and I’m having trouble sorting them all out nicely. I’ll update you all when things calm down a bit.
So with that, to my fellow Canadian readers, I wish you a wonderful Canada Day and fabulous long weekend. To my readers elsewhere, Happy Friday, and have a great weekend!
Smartie
“The sun, with all those planets revolving around it and dependent on it, can still ripen a bunch of grapes as if it had nothing else in the universe to do.” – Galileo Galilei
It’s been a few mornings now that I’ve been wanting to write about how colour affects me, or lack there of. But every time I start to write about it, something else pops into my head. This morning is no different.
I had most of my post already planned out in my head, and it was just a matter of transferring it over onto the screen. As I was getting my breakfast ready, I was looking at the different colour of fruit – red plum, yellow-red peach, orange apricot, red raspberries, green kiwi, and how beautiful they looked cut up into a bowl and topped with sour cream. The vibrant colours made me so happy, especially when my brain is trying to wake up.
And I absolutely love how the colours blend in my dark green coffee mug. How the instant decaf melts into the clear water (I’m über sensitive to caffeine), and when I add a splash of milk, the brown liquid makes the most interesting designs.
But this morning I’m not going to write about colours (actually, I think I did a bit). I’m going to tell you my take on unripe fruit. While I was prepping my breakfast this morning, I couldn’t wait to dive into it. Since posting about sugar content and it’s effect on the body, I’ve really been careful about what I eat. So the mornings have switched from a Nutella sandwich to healthy fruit, followed by a slice of bread with almond butter. I was a bit disappointed when the plum turned out to be a black plum instead of a red plum, which is my favorite, but I was still ok with it. I had the peaches, apricot and raspberries to make up for it.
Then I sat myself down at the computer desk, and started eating. I took a nice spoonful of this stuff into my mouth and nearly screamed and spit the stuff out to across the room. A lot of the fruit wasn’t ripe, even though they appeared to be! The peach and apricot were hard and sour, and the raspberries were bitter. What a disappointment!
And of course, I wouldn’t be Smartie if I didn’t associate this experience to other things, and of course, I did. I thought about the time when many, many years ago a good friend of mine would call me “Force Ripe” when I would try to force myself to do something which I couldn’t, and also when I clearly wasn’t ready to. How many times do we do this? Especially to our kids? On the outside, or maybe in our heads, we look like we’re ready, or we want to believe we are, but instead of the experience turning out sweet and enjoyable, it turns out to be a bitter and hard experience. We don’t enjoy it.
For example, something as simple as taking a kid onto a roller coaster ride. They look like they are old enough, intellectually they are, but emotionally – they just may not be there just yet. The kid doesn’t know any different, but when we take them on, they cry the entire time. When they get off that ride, they vow to never go on it again, or any other ride for that matter.
Another example is we try cram a bunch of tasks all into one day, knowing very well that it will be difficult, if not impossible. When things don’t go the way we planned, we get pissed.
So in the end, just like the fruit, we have a “Forced Ripe” situation with both the kid and the roller coaster. Why not just let nature take its course and tell us when we are ripe enough to be sweet and juicy, instead of picking us early, way before we’re ready, and hoping that we aren’t bitter in the end? As we can see from Galileo quote, with just a bit of time, sweet things will come.
“Without enough sleep, we all become tall two-year olds.” – JoJo Jensen
At least I do.
Does this happen to you? You wake up thinking that it’s time to get up for the day, when you look at your clock and realize it has only been a couple of hours since you went to bed. You chuckle to yourself and say, hey, I still have 6 hours to go! And then it happens again a couple of hours later, and when you finally wake up for the day you feel so refreshed, and ready to go.
Nothing can stop you that day. You’re so full of energy, you’re happy, and you feel like you can accomplish anything that you set your mind to.
And then that night, you go to bed at the same time as always, and you’re ready to sleep. You got a great night sleep the night before, which means surely it will happen again. You were full of energy today because of the great sleep, which means you were really busy. And because of this, you’re really tired, after all, it was a big day. So you lay down, close your eyes, and you wait. Ten minutes go by, and you’re still laying there, but this time staring at the ceiling, getting annoyed. Another ten minutes go by. This time you switch positions to your side, and you can hear the dog bark from up the street. And then you hear the car drive by the house. And there goes the siren. You turn over again, but this time to your tummy. Then you’re feeling hot, so you take the blanket off. Your pillow is hot, so you flip it over, which now gets you a bit cold so you put the blanket back on. And then your back starts to hurt from being on your stomach so you turn onto your other side. But this side isn’t as comfortable as the other, so you turn onto your back and then realize that you’ve come around full circle.
And now you turn to look at the clock, and realise that it’s been 3 1/2 hours since you’ve gone to bed. It’s the wee hours in the morning and you think “sh*t! I’m never going to get to sleep!”
Why does that happen? Your body first gives you this gorgeous sleep, where you feel so relaxed and recharged, followed by a night of tossing and turning. I can tell you that right now I feel like I’ve been hit by ten dump trucks. The night before last, man, I slept so good, really good. I don’t remember the last time I slept that way, and last night was one of the worse nights of my life. I tried all kinds of things to get me to sleep. I used ear plugs, eye covers, I listened to my breath, I used Aveda Blue Oil (which is absolutely amazing), I tried a glass of milk, reading, going into a different room for a bit and even meditating. Nothing worked.
Except for one thing. A really odd thing.
I found a somewhat comfortable position by accident. It’s a really weird position, but I stayed in it because I felt my body somewhat start to relax. I was half on my back and half on my right side. I had to turn my head so it was on an angel and I had to place one hand on my belly, and the other above my head. I finally drifted off to sleep. I think at this point it must have been around 4 or 5 in the morning, because the birds were already starting to chirp, because it was still dark out as the sun wasn’t out just yet. It had to have worked because I was still like this when I woke up at 6 this morning.
I wonder if there was some type of restriction on the oxygen levels to my brain which caused me to fall asleep. This has to be the only logical explanation for sleeping this way. It looks so uncomfortable, but it was the only way I could get to sleep. My body is protesting this morning, that is for sure. On top of being absolutely exhausted, and sore, I also woke up with a huge torticollis and can’t turn my head to the left. Boy am I feeling rough. And I’m really not in a good mood either. So don’t bug me. Consider yourself warned.
I didn’t count sheep, I realise. Maybe I should have gone to the farm and raided it. Surely a change of scenery could have helped. Those damn sheep, where were you?!!!!
“Invent your world. Surround yourself with people, color, sounds and work that nourish you.” – SARK
There is an entire secret society out there. I’m not talking the Templar Knights. They aren’t hiding some kind of scrolls or protecting a family linear. But what they do, it’s just as important. And it’s a sisterhood, not a brotherhood. Ok, so they aren’t a secret, but it was to me, because I just found out about them this past weekend.
Before I tell you about them, let me tell you about my lifetime search for them. You see, I think I’m different from other adults my age. Actually, I think I’m different from most adults, any age. I enjoy being a kid, being silly, and get excited over the most simplest things, just like a kid, and I try to keep my little girl inside of me happy. I remember when I was a kid and looking at the adults around me and thinking, “Wow, they look miserable, and they’re so serious! Don’t they have fun anymore?” And swore to myself that I would never be like that.
As I grew older, I noticed that the more I tried to maintain my attitude of being silly, the more people would distance from me. I began to tame myself in order to not upset others, and essentially keep my friends. Then about ten years ago, what I think is one of the most best movies I’ve ever saw was released on video – The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. One day I was home sick from work, couch ridden, and I watched it about six times. I absolutely loved the bond between the women, the confidence they had, and especially how they were so comfortable with having fun and being silly. I longed to be a part of something like that. This is what I wanted with my friends.
A few months ago I read a book, recommended by my therapist, called Succulent Wild Woman. This is a fabulous book which talks about what a Succulent Woman is all about. It’s a woman who knows what she wants, treats herself with care, and enjoys herself and life. She isn’t afraid of what others think. She is a woman who doesn’t dim down her lights for others, and is true to herself. She is fun to be around, and is full of energy. Hmm, and my therapist thought this was me? Well, I think it’s cool to be considered a Succulent Wild Woman. I love that label!
Now, it’s great to be thought of that way, and I’m beginning to actually see myself through that lens, but it’s kind of boring to be like this on my own. As I mentioned above, I long for that sisterhood, to be understood. Half of my friends from childhood pretty much walked out of my life when my father died, and the other half walked out when I separated from my ex, and really, I have to say that this would be overwhelming for them anyway. The two Succulent Women I know and blessed with their friendship now, are wonderful, but I’d like to see them more often.
So this past weekend I was invited out to dinner. Normally I would just throw on jeans and a nice top, but this time my daughter and I got all dolled up. I couldn’t decide between two beautiful dresses, and so my daughter encouraged me to wear a bright red sleeveless dress. I was so self-conscious and nervous. I was going to attract attention! (Note: I’ve never owned anything that wasn’t black, blue or brown). After a few minutes, I began enjoying the bright colour.
At the restaurant, to my amazement, I saw at a nearby table a group of the most beautiful women that I had ever seen. They were all wearing purple, and on their heads were the most reddest hats ever! I wanted to go up to their table and congratulate them on being Succulent Wild Women so many times, but my courage would just drain right out of me. I couldn’t stop staring. I couldn’t believe it, here, right in front of me, was a sisterhood that I longed to be a part of. Right in front of me! I had so many questions that I wanted to ask, and I was paralyzed by fear. And then, they were getting ready to leave, and my heart began sinking. Then, the unthinkable happened. The gorgeous person sitting next to me stops them and tells them that I think they’re great! OMG!!!
I felt like a babbling idiot, but they were gracious enough to entertain me. I found out that this sisterhood of theirs is worldwide. They belong to the Red Hat Society! It’s about empowering women to have fun, and support each other. Just what I wanted!
I’ve been on their website so many times since then. So I decided to take the leap. I’m now a Red Hatter. Well, technically, I get to wear a pink hat because of my age. Now to come up with my name….should I be Lady Lightbulb, or Princess Peculiar? Or something completely wild like… Duchess Smartie? I’m open to suggestions….really, I am.
“Let food be thy medicine, thy medicine shall be thy food.” – Hippocrates
Yesterday I mentioned that I was overweight while in elementary school. I wasn’t significantly overweight, but I wasn’t thin either. I wouldn’t say I was average weight either. I was just pudgy. I struggled with my weight most of my life. I tried almost every diet out there, and I exercised all the time. But the weight just wouldn’t come off.
While I was pregnant with my daughter, I was very strict with what I ate. No junk or refined foods and lots of fruits and vegetables. I felt good, and the pregnancy went smoothly. She was born a healthy 8lbs. One week after she was born, I weighed less that before I was pregnant with her. Almost one year after that, I weighed 215lbs!!! What the heck happened?
My hormones went out of whack, stress and coping with being a new mom is what happened. I tried dieting, fitting in exercise while she slept and starving. It didn’t work. So I went to see my GP, and he sent to me to a diet clinic for people suffering from Metabolic Syndrome. This term is a catch-all name for a group of risk factors that may occur together which increase your risk of developing coronary artery disease, stroke and type 2 diabetes. Some of these are signs that point to metabolic syndrome, and the most important ones are carrying weight around the middle and upper parts of the body (which I didn’t have – I’m pear-shaped), and being insulin resistant (which I wasn’t either). What I did have was: I was getting older, hormone changes, and lack of exercise.
I didn’t care that I was being sent there, I was just happy that I had help. I was put on a strict eating plan where I was only able to eat dark green vegetables and protein during the first phase – which seemed to last forever. The second phase allowed for some fruits, some grains, and a bit more protein – which I rarely got to be on. No sugars were allowed, only artificial sweeteners. I became obsessed with food, because I saw the results and I was loving it. I was exercising and eating well and the weight was coming off. I felt good.
Then I decided to start running, and within a year I went from not knowing how to run, to training for 10k races. I was still on the eating plan, and when I went in for my weekly appointment, I started getting lectured because I was no longer in ketosis. I wasn’t being heard when I stated that I needed more complex carbs in my diet because I was training, and I was feeling weak and dizzy when I trained and strictly followed their diet. I knew what was right for my body, so I stopped going.
Fast forward a few years to today. I still managed to keep the weight off, and I’m running again. I have struggled with food a bit, but overall I’ve been ok. I admit, there was a time period where I’ve made extremely bad choices and have paid the consequence for it. I’ve been trying to get back to eating clean for not only my sake, but also my daughter’s, especially since the scare we had earlier this year. But I just wasn’t sure how, and I felt like a failure. I previously enrolled a Fitness Leadership program at school, and have placement left in order to graduate. I know this stuff, but why am I having so much trouble?
And then I figured out why. I watched Dr. Robert Lustig on CBS and then googled him and found a more in-depth lecture as well. These were real eye-openers for me. The information I learned was horrifying. And it all finally made sense! I couldn’t understand what was happened to me and my daughter. Sure, we didn’t eat well all the time, but we certainly didn’t eat horribly. And now I could see how what was hidden in what we were eating led to her condition. Poor thing was doomed from shortly after birth from when she was put on formula.
I became angry, and this led me to develop a strategy. To get her to understand the importance of food servings and eating clean, we have food charts on the fridge which we mark off every day – how many servings of fruit and veg, grains, dairy etc. And we are limited to junk food only one day a week, and we have cut out all sugar/fructose from our diet. I was worried about how my daughter would handle this, and to my amazement, she loves it! She told me that she has noticed a difference, she “feels better” as she says. She also has turned down cookie offers at school from other kids because she doesn’t want to feel awful. I see that she is no longer bloated all the time, she has lost weight, and she is more energetic (which means I’m more exhausted haha). I feel wonderful as well, and when I have anything with sugar, I find it way to sweet.
I still can’t help getting angry when I think about what is being added to our foods. Sugar and fructose are deadly to our body, and those people know it. I have reverted back to cooking and eating like our ancestors did. It takes more time, granted, but it’s much better and tastier. I get to be more creative with the foods I make, and I am proud of what I do now. We aren’t meant to eat these highly processed foods. Our bodies aren’t designed that way. It took me a while to figure this out, but I finally have done so.
My rule of thumb to live by, eat your foods as closely to their natural state as possible, and you will be fine.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde
I wasn’t one of the ‘cool kids’ when I was in school. In elementary school, I was teased a lot. I’m sure we all must have gone through a period of teasing, but I had more than my fair share. I was overweight, and I was different from the other kids. I never felt that I truly fit in. I would day-dream a lot, use my imagination a lot ‘out in the open,’ and I spoke my mind, which set me apart from the rest. This also made it more difficult to belong.
In high school I became more aware of it, when my ‘friends’ who were cool, merged with the other ‘cool kids’ from other schools. I didn’t belong to any clique, and I was ok with it – on most days. I spoke with everyone, was nice to everyone. I like to think of myself as being like Switzerland – nice and neutral. Not everyone understood it, and therefore not everyone liked it, or me. And once again, this made it also difficult to belong.
So one day I decided to not be myself, and be like others so I could fit in. I found a group who appeared to be willing to accept me, and I did what it took to be a part of this so-called family. I dumbed myself down, started talking back, rebelled and started being mean to those who were like the real me. It didn’t feel right being that way, but hey, I was finally wanted! Of course, this had its consequences. I hurt people who I cared for, including myself, and I also got suspended. Luckily, the suspension wasn’t reflected on my school record, but my reputation with the school, and my family was tarnished. I had to deal with those consequences too.
I find that the pressures to fit in are affecting our kids at a younger age. My neighbour, who I think is an awesome kid, is being subjected to this pressure and she is in grade 6, and my daughter, who I see a lot of me when I was her age, is having a tough time fitting in with her school peers at grade 1. Why is that? What is causing this, and when does a parent intervene, and when does one stand back and let their kid sort it out on their own?
I find that on a regular basis I’m working with my daughter and brainstorming with her to come up with ideas to cope with her school peers. It’s so difficult to get the message out that it’s best to be true to yourself, and you it really doesn’t matter what others think. I find at times that I get so frustrated that she cares so much what others think of her, and then I have to remind myself that I, too, at the present time think the same way as well.
There is a bully which lives 5 houses away from us and has decided that she doesn’t like my daughter, and I have caught her a couple of times being downright mean to my daughter. The bully is 8 years older than my daughter. One day my daughter came home crying and saying that she yelled at her, told her that she is no longer able to play, and pushed her. This was after when I saw the bully teasing her and also making fun of her behind her back and covering it up when she saw that I saw. So I took this into my own hands and approached the bully in front of all her playmates and confronted her. This worked, for a while.
Last night my awesome neighbour kid was playing with bully from up the road. When the bully saw my daughter and I come outside with our bikes, she yells at the awesome neighbour kid to hide, because she doesn’t want my daughter to play with them. I decided that I wouldn’t let it get to me, although I was disappointed that the awesome kid followed along. The awesome kid and I used to talk all the time too. Anyway, every time we would ride by, they would go hide. My daughter was oblivious to all of this. Then at one point, when we rode around the block and came back, the bully didn’t see us, and the awesome kid was going to say hello, when the bully yelled not to. I had enough. I turned to her and said “don’t worry, my daughter and I are enjoying what we are doing. She doesn’t have time, nor wants to, play with you anyway. You don’t have to hide every time we ride by anymore.”
My daughter then chased me with her bike while I tried to run away, and then we lay for a while on the front lawn trying to make shapes out of the clouds passing by. I could see that the awesome kid wanted to join in, as she kept watching. She knew that I would welcome her, as I always have. But she never did.
My daughter would periodically ask why I said what I did, and why the two girls would hide all the time. It’s hard for a 6 year old to understand. I’m trying my best but it’s hard to put it into such simple terms. I just feel so sad that at such a young age, these kids are having to go through this.
I’m hoping to be able to speak to the awesome kid alone, and let her know that it’s best to be true to herself, and not have to follow along with other people in order to be liked. If she does, she may just forget who she really is, and wake up one day and ask, who am I?
“For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.” ~Doug Larson
My big trip to Europe is quickly approaching. It’s only three weeks away! In my mind I know what I need to pack, but I have to transfer this over to paper, that way when it does come time to pack I’m not scrambling to remember. I can’t believe how quickly it’s coming. It feels as if just yesterday I was boarding the plane to Florida.
And then I realised that it’s already two weeks since I’ve been home. That was a real shocker to me. Where did THAT time go?
Why is it that when you are not working, whether it be that you’re on vacation, have some time off etc, that you’re more busy than when you’re at work? I still wake up at the same time every morning. It’s not like I don’t want to sleep in, because I certainly do because I LOVE to sleep, and when I go to bed, I’m asleep before my head hits the pillow. I’m exhausted all the time. But seriously, why is it that way?
I often wonder how did I do it when I was working? Get all this done, plus commute to and from work, and put in a full day? I guess you just become busy with different things that normally you wouldn’t be busy with. Take yesterday for example: Woke up, blogged, took care of business stuff, I dropped off my daughter at school, ran to the store to get something, then met up with a dear friend to discuss some business stuff, then off to my old employer to submit my last expense bill, go to another store to return stuff, pick up my daughter, rush her to her dance rehearsal, rush home and make dinner, and then meet up with the real estate agent and my ex, and then take care of other business stuff. My day started at 6am and ended at 11:30pm. No wonder I was tired!!
Every day isn’t exactly like that, but it’s pretty damn close. So, how do I make it easier? What needs to change? DO I need to look into better time management options, or maybe just clone myself? I wish there were things I could just decide not do, but these are all necessities, but it’s not possible. Especially now that I’m a single mom.
Oh wow, look at the time. Enough rambling, I must go! There are tonnes of things to be done today! hahahaha.
Have a great day everyone!
Smartie
“Realize deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make the NOW the primary focus of your life.” ― Eckhart Tolle
Where are you right now? Me? Right now, I’m in my pj’s, sitting in my computer room. I just finished my bowl of cereal, I’m sipping on my coffee and trying to get my brain to wake up. For some reason, writing helps it wake up properly. Otherwise it takes hours.
So, I’ve just told you where I am physically. Now mentally, I could be anywhere. Most times, my mind is hours, days or even weeks ahead of the present moment (and sadly, even years at times). Where are you mentally? Of course, you’re reading this post, so you would think that you were here. But are you really? Or are you just reading the words, and thinking what you need to get done at work, or what to make for dinner, or even, what you’re planning to do for the weekend?
It’s so easy to get ahead of ourselves. Most times, when we do, it’s because we worry and are anxious. We need to learn how to center ourselves, be grounded in the present moment. It’s unrealistic to say we shouldn’t think of the future, because we need to. We should plan for our future. But when you start worrying about possible outcomes, when you know that they may not take place that way, that’s when you get yourself into trouble – when you begin to fret, when you aren’t able to function normally and you are so anxious that you become to be in a permanent state of “basket case-ness.”
So what do you do in times like this? There are lots which you can do. I’ll share with you some of the things that I have learned, some from the many psychology books I’ve read, and what has been shared by close friends and my therapist.
One option is to write things down from the heart. Really write down what you are feeling. Not in point form or anything, but in full complete sentences as if you are having a conversation with someone. Many times when we are worrying about the future we are ashamed to tell anyone for fear of judgement, so we internalize it. That leads to a whole mess of things, so by writing it down it allows you to acknowledge it, let it go, and then you feel lighter. Here is an example of what I wrote once:
“I feel like sh*t. I can’t seem to concentrate on anything. All I want to do is cry. I have so much to do in the next week that I don’t know when I’m going to get two minutes to just breathe. I have to do ‘this,’ and then from there I have to go ‘here’ and see ‘this person.’ I wonder what they will say? I just know that they’re going to tear my head off. Oh and because of that, our relationship will never be the same. They won’t like me anymore, and that means I’ve just blown my chances with ever getting somewhere. I just know that they hate me and think I’m an idiot. Why do I even bother. And how am I going to get through the week? I’m so exhausted just thinking about it. And on Saturday I have so many people coming over, how am I going to prepare all that food when I’m booked down to the minute? Maybe I should cancel, but I can’t, people are coming from far and have held the date for so long.”
As you can see, my mind was so far ahead, and I was so scattered. Just by writing it down, it allowed me to release the fear. Another technique is to repeat “Right now, I am ….” or “At this moment, I am …..” Basically, what you are doing is bringing yourself back into the present, to what you are currently doing. This really works well, especially if you don’t have the ability to write anything down. Many times I find myself skipping ahead, and I say “Smartie, right now you are washing the dishes” or “At this moment, you are driving.” The mind always seems to drift when I’m doing something which doesn’t require much thought.
And lastly, when I try to rein in my mind, and I have trouble doing so, I do the technique which my therapist taught me. She has me use three of my senses: sight, sound and feel. You would start off by listening to five things around you, the see five things around you and then feel five things around you. So right now, five things I hear are: 1. the punching of the keys to my laptop 2. the airplanes outside 3. my breath 4. the hum of my laptop 5. the car door being slammed. Five things I see are: 1. my laptop 2. the blinking light to my Blackberry 3. The sunlight shinning on the wall 4. my computer screen 5. my fingers moving as I type. Five things I feel are: 1. my fingers on the keys 2. the floor under my bare feet 3. the chair supporting my lower back 4. my hair tickling my face 5. my breath on my lip. And so you would repeat this again, but this time naming four items and then three and then two and so on until you reach one. It’s ok to repeat items as well. Once you get to one you’ll feel so grounded and in the present moment. It’s so calming. I even find that I use this technique when I’m having trouble sleeping, as most times I’m usually thinking of something.
So, now after reading this, I’m going to ask you again. Where are you right now? Me? Right now, I am HERE.
“It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.” ― Dave Barry 
I shop at Costco once in a while. Since last winter, I’ve been watching the price on a camping tent. Last week I gave in and decided that this summer I was going to finally give it a try, and drag my daughter along with me. I bought the tent, and the sleeping bags to go along with it. To my surprise the tent was half the price! It’s really nice – a five person tent with a sheltered seating area.
Camping is one of the things I’ve been wanting to do for a long time but found it kind of difficult to do as my other half at the time didn’t want to go. This was my chance! Now I’m not going to blame everything entirely on him. I’m also not the “roughing it” outdoorsy type. I’m afraid of spiders and such, snakes and whatever else is out there. But I’m working on getting over it (and it’s really hard work too).
So on Friday evening I set up the tent in the backyard. It wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. As I was setting it up, my daughter was creating a list of things that we would need for the night. We set up the inflatable bed, the camping chairs, took out the marshmallows, crackers and chocolate for Smores making, and the lantern for ghost stories. We were having fun! And we were outside! Ok, we weren’t TOTALLY roughing it. We still went into the house to use the washroom, and grab food, but it was good for the first dry run.
Then it was time for bed. She fell asleep easily, and I lay there awake, listening to everything around me. I’d like to say it was the sounds of nature that I was listening to, but I don’t remember any animal or insect sounding similar to air conditioners, sirens, or car engines. It was spectacular trying to make out the sounds of true nature over the urban noise pollution. The more I tried to sleep, the more I heard patterns between the three. It was like a symphony!!
Until it began raining.
I knew it was supposed to rain overnight, and the thought of rescheduling our big camp out crossed my mind. I’m glad I went along with the plans anyway. Camping out in the rain was friggin awesome!!! Hearing the big, heavy raindrops hitting the tent, the trees and weeds was amazing. It cancelled out all the other noises. Even as the thunder rolled in for a bit, it was tranquilizing. I felt like I was in a cocoon, a womb even. I was warm and protected from the elements, like being in a nice, soft yet strong embrace. Being in the rain, I was able to softly drift off to sleep. I imagine that being in the wild, really camping, would be similar to this. Being surrounded by nature has a calming effect. We humans need to get back to our animal roots. We need to re-energize. I’m looking forward to the next camp-out. I’m going to make sure it rains overnight again!
The next morning was quite amusing, waking up, hanging out in the backyard enjoying my coffee, and watching my retired neighbours come out one by one to tend to their vegetable gardens and look over my way with puzzled looks on their faces. They couldn’t understand what I was doing, and surely thought I had gone mad. No one has done such at thing there before. I don’t mind. I intend to do it again a few times before the summer is through.
But ntil we can do this again, maybe for a quick weekday spur of the moment thing, we’ll just sleep with the window open.
“…I want to ride my bike” – Queen 
Is that song stuck in your head now? It is in mine. Has been for the last couple of days.
Now onto the quote:
“The optimist sees the donut, the pessimist sees the hole.” Oscar Wilde
Mmmm….donuts. I’d love a chocolate glazed one right about now. **Focus, Smartie, focus**
I know that in the past I’ve written that the quality of your life really depends on how you look at it. If you believe that life sucks, then it will suck. Blah, blah, blah. The reason why I’m writing about perception vs. reality is to be able to tell you a little story about what happened yesterday.
My daughter is learning to ride her bike. She really hasn’t been on it much before, perhaps a couple of years ago on her trike, but last year and the year before, not so much. We were building our house, moving and then throw in the divorce – this all sums up to really no time to learn. So this year I made it a mission to teach her to ride. After running up and down the road a couple of time, and being the one responsible to balance her, rather than being a sense of security (and needing an in-house chiropractor), I decided there must be another way to do this. She’s a smart kid, and knew that if I’m holding her seat, she can then leave it all up to me and she can joy ride. So off to my trusty friend google to see if there is any other way to teach her, and behold, there was! So for a couple of nights I would put her bike at the top of the driveway (there’s a slight hill on our driveway), and I would get her to push-off and ride down trying to balance, with no pedals. Once I saw that she was able to get down half way balanced, back onto the road we went. That same night, she took off!
And with that came falls. With the falls came scrapes. With the scrapes came embarrassment and discouragement.
Her first fall was minor. She managed to “gently” fall – if that’s even possible? It was really graceful, actually. But the next one was a doozy. She looked at me and was crying and saying that she didn’t want to do it anymore. So I ran up to her and made a game out of it. I said “Well, your hands and feet are still there, I don’t see any blood. I think you’ll live!” And she then showed me the scrapes. And so I said “Oh Wow!! This is great!! Do you know what you have?” She looked up at me with these huge, curious brown eyes and shook her head no. I grabbed her arm and pointed “This, my dear, is a war wound! You wear it with pride!” She pulled herself up, grabbed her bike and tried again. She was riding again, and her head was high as if she was wearing a badge of honour.
So, this whole thing about your perception being your reality is true. Life is very little about what you make of it, and mostly about how you take it. My daughter could have easily have given up riding for the rest of that night, and it could have likely been very difficult to get her back on that bike. Since then she had a few pretty bad falls, where she had every right to stop, but because she now views her scrapes as badges rewarded for her efforts, she just keeps on going. She is even passing along the message to her friends now.
The mind is amazing. We only see what we train it to see. If we think that we can’t do something, then we can’t. Most times, it’s not a matter of being weak. It’s because we don’t accept ourselves as being strong and capable. When my daughter was running her first 5k, we were about half a kilometer away from the finish line, and she wanted to stop. She said that she couldn’t do it. I encouraged her and told her that I believe in her and that the only way she would finish is if she believed that she could. So the rest of the race, she was repeating a mantra “I can do it, I can do it.” Last night, she struggles with pushing herself off on the bike, and on her own she began saying the mantra again.
Nothing is impossible in life. Impossibility lasts until you are able to find ways to dispute it, like a lawyer. Break it down, chip by chip, small step by small step. And when you do chip away at it, be sure to bring it to your own attention, even a minor speckle. When you do that, the lens which you see the world will change shape, and therefore the way you interpret the world will change as well.
Perception is subjective. So why not choose the frame of thinking that makes you feel empowered?