“You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that’s part of the experiment? I’m like that all the time.” – Steven Wright
I’d like you to try something amazing that I just discovered. Actually, I didn’t “just” discover it. I’ve known about it for quite a few months, but didn’t do anything with it. Today I decided to try an experiment, and now I’d like you to as well. It really is cool. So please follow my instructions closely that way you get the full effect.
You can do this anywhere – at work, at home, standing in line at the grocery store. It doesn’t matter where you are. Don’t worry about looking stupid, because nobody will even notice what you’re doing anyway. Ready? Ok, here it goes: I want you to smirk. You know, curl up your lips just a tiny bit at the ends – kind of like you’re smiling to yourself, like you know a big secret that no one else knows. Now include your eyes as well. Let them curl up a bit, also like when you’re smiling.
You probably think that I’ve lost whatever marbles I have left, but before you pass any judgment or dismiss what I’m telling you, really give it a shot. Now continue doing this for about ten more seconds. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.
Now stop. I mean it, stop. Let your face relax into its regular form. Continue for ten seconds like this now. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten.
Now smirk again. Don’t worry, this is the last time I’m going to ask you to do this.
Did you feel a shift in your mood from when you smirked and then stopped, and then smirked again? How did you feel when you were smirking? Did you feel lighter? Content? Relaxed? I did. And when I stopped, I felt “blah.”
I was told about this by a friend who was reading The Power of Infinite Love and Gratitude. I don’t think I have everything down pact with this technique, so don’t quote me exactly on it but what I do remember really works. Originally I thought that this technique was full of baloney (no offence to baloney lovers) but it’s not. Think about it, how could you feel depressed, angry, and gloomy when you’re walking around with a smile on your face? Negative thoughts can’t penetrate either. This technique isn’t about replacing your feelings. If you’re angry, then be angry. Feel the emotion right through. This technique shortens the duration of that feeling. Your outlook is brighter, and things and events won’t get to you as much, so the chances of you feeling angry in the first place are greatly reduced.
I know it’s hard to go around all day purposely placing a smirk on your face, but after a while, it becomes a habit. Your ‘blah’ face became norm after all, didn’t it? So why not replace it with a little smile?
Today I made a conscious effort to practice this and I was amazed at how energized I feel. I feel happier, am walking taller, and feel so much more alive. I feel like I was walking around with a big secret that only I know. Well, it was kind of like that, until I shared it with you.
I welcome you to try it out. Let me know how you make out. I’m interested in hearing about your experience.
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure.” ― Hellen Keller
Last week I was in Florida with the girls – my daughter, mom and sister. We spent a couple of days in the Keys and a couple of days at Disney. It was quite the trip! Very interesting, fun, relaxing yet busy.
The adventure began on the way to the airport when my sister and I were discussing what food we were bringing onboard. (NB: my sister has certain dietary needs, and my daughter was just recovering from a bought of runs). When my sister said she had fruit, I thought, “Oh Boy…” so I mentioned that she needs to be careful because from my experience, security might take it away from her.
In my previous life when I worked for a healthcare technology company I travelled to the US quite a bit. I travelled to all kinds of places, some exciting, and some were, well….I’ll say interesting. One thing I found quite amazing every time was the security measures which you have to pass through in order to travel via airplane, especially if you’re entering into US territory. This time the formula was different from the past. The purpose of my trip was for leisure, I wasn’t alone, and I was travelling as a single parent. I wasn’t sure what to expect.
So when the four of us arrived at the US Customs desk at Toronto Airport, we split into two groups (have to be grouped by address). My daughter and I arrived at the customs desk and I handed over our passports to the Customs Officer, along with a folded letter. The Officer points to the letter and says “What’s that?” I responded “That’s a Statutory of Declaration letter.” He gives me an annoyed look and says “What’s it for?” and I’m confused at this point, because I thought he surely should know. I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t want to get yanked away and put into some room and be questioned because I pissed him off and said the wrong thing. So I responded “It’s the permission from my daughter’s father allowing her to travel with me.” He then rolls his eyes and says “I don’t need to see it.” WHAT??!!! (think Scooby Doo voice)
The two of us exit the customs desk and head to the search area. As we’re walking I see my sister and mom being whisked away into another room. I’m thinking, “Great, now what’s going on? We haven’t even left the city!” My sister mentioned that she had fruit, and therefore was privileged to have her belongings searched. She told security that she packed apples and bananas. They took away her apples because they didn’t have any stickers on them because they didn’t know where they were from (trees maybe?) I know, I know…I’m being a smart ass. They meant location. The bananas didn’t have stickers but she was allowed to keep them. I don’t get it. But what I find funny is the fact that they asked if she had any citrus fruit with her. I wonder why? If she did, would it be taken from her as well? Wouldn’t the citrus fruit likely being going back home? We were going to Florida after all.
Fast forward 4 days to our return home…..
On the way back home, I now had two bags with me – my backpack and a beach bag. At the wedding in the Keys I had won the centerpiece. Normally I would have left it behind, but it was so beautiful and I just wanted to bring it home. I won a gorgeous lantern with three beautiful miniature glass vases. While in line at security check, it hit me – they may take this all away! I regretted not packing them into the luggage. I thought “Oh well, let’s hope for the best!” So onto the belt I placed my two bags along with my daughter’s back pack. To my amazement, the lantern and vases came out ok, but my daughter’s backpack didn’t make it. I didn’t notice that they took aside her Disney Princess pink backpack until I saw her eyes tear up and her lower lip tremble. When they pulled out a tiny tube I remembered that I forgot to take out her bubbles!
The flight was unadventurous and we were at Canadian Customs in no time. Again, I present our passports again, but this time to the Canadian Customs Office. I was asked where I went, for what purpose etc. But then I was asked who this little girl was to me. I said “She’s my daughter” and then I was asked for the Statutory of Declaration letter. Really? I didn’t even think to present it to them, as I was coming back INTO the country. I don’t get it.
So what’s the point of my ramblings? Here it is. I don’t get this ‘security’ system. We’re put through all of this torture to keep up “safe” but how safe are we really?
We aren’t allowed to bring fruit into the US unless there is a sticker on it, but that depends on the type of fruit – for example citrus. The last time I checked, we don’t grow citrus fruit here, because we don’t have the climate for it.
I get questioned about my daughter upon my return to the country, not while leaving. I could have easily travelled anywhere with her, without her father’s permission, if I wanted to.
They were going to take away my daughter’s bubbles because it was in liquid form and over the maximum allowance, yet I was allowed to board the airplane with a glass lantern and glass vases, which I could have broken into pieces and used as weapons.
Am I supposed to feel safe and have faith in the security process? Not so sure. Am I worried? Not really. They’re doing their job the best they can. If someone wants to do something bad, they’ll find a way. We just have to be aware of what’s going on around us, which I do anyway. But one thing for sure, I was highly amused with it all. I found it quite humorous!
“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.” ― Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
So yesterday I decided to do something which scared the heck out of me. I decided to put myself out there and ask for feedback. Yes, I did say that I welcome feedback, but after I hit the “Post” button I realized what I was actually getting myself into and thought, “OMG, what did I just do?!!” I also realized that most of my life I’ve received feedback which was unsolicited, and I had to deal with it. This time I decided to solicit it, and it was torture waiting for the comments to roll in. All sorts of questions were swirling in my teeny, weenie brain. Would they be good? Would people be kind or cruel? What could I expect?
The results were astonishing, and I’m very touched by the responses I have received. Many of you have decided to keep your comments private, and I will honour this by not publishing them. Others, you put yourself out there and shared them with the world. There have been many different approaches with your feedback, but one thing is noticeable – you are all caring, wonderful people.
One of my readers, whom I will call Caring Carol from now on, took me up on my offer of giving me a topic to write about – “what is beautiful about people” (What a wonderful topic, considering that my readers are the most beautiful bunch around!!)
Everyone is beautiful. We’re born beautiful. The question isn’t “what is beautiful about people” or “what makes them beautiful” rather “what takes their beauty away?” Everyone has a spark, a light inside of them that radiates life into everything they do and meshes with everyone they meet. A baby is born angelic, kindergarten students are adorable, teens are full of curiosity and wonder, adults have a wise beauty about them – this is all beautiful. So what is it exactly that diminishes a person’s beauty? If you really pay attention, you will see it around you. For example, that one person who looks miserable or rarely smiles, and when they do, suddenly their entire being transforms. They are breathtakingly beautiful. What causes this transformation? Usually, it’s a result of being complimented, validated, heard – essentially, being seen and accepted for who they really are. Sometimes even for a split second. This lifts their mood, esteem, they feel valued.
Some people need help to bring out their beauty – a kind word or act, a bit of gentleness and encouragement. We all know the saying “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” and it’s true. But why not take it a step further? If you see someone who isn’t radiating their beauty as they should, why not lift them up a bit? It really doesn’t take much time, and while you are lifting them, you’ll also be lifting yourself. But the same holds true for yourself. We all have days where we don’t feel up to par, we don’t feel beautiful, we need a bit of a nudge in the right direction. Rather than sitting there and stewing, why not ask for assistance? I did that yesterday, and look at what happened!
I’m smiling a lot today. I feel good. I feel beautiful. Why? Because I have discovered that my readers see me. They have validated me, encouraged me, and renewed my sense of purpose, given me the push I needed to continue on materialize my dream.
My readers are wonderful, beautiful people. And I am blessed and honoured that you have chosen to read my blog and follow me on my journey. Thank you!
“The biggest adventure you can ever take is to live the life of your dreams.” Oprah Winfrey
I’ve recently noticed that the comments received on my posts have died down. I asked a friend who is an avid reader, and at one time, a frequent ‘commenter’ why he hasn’t been commenting and his response was “you tend to repeat yourself.” That comment hurt, a lot. Like a knife through the heart. A few minutes later, I got over it.
But it got me thinking….and then….
***The light bulb switched on***
Crap!
I do repeat myself!!!!!
In some form or fashion, and lately my posts have been dark….
To my dear readers, I apologize for putting you through this torture. I truly am. But at the same time, isn’t life like that sometimes though? We tend to go through the same thing over and over, but in different ways. These events mask themselves as different days, different people, and different situations. It’s hard to keep everything fresh, especially when I’m writing about my life, and how I see things. Or maybe that is the issue; I haven’t allowed myself to see things differently. I don’t know. Do you know? Please tell me if you do…
I’m trying to learn, navigate my way through as best as I can in this thing we call life. I’m no expert, never claimed to be. Remember the days of high school? I’m just like a student in school; I need to do my homework, practice in order to get better. Some subjects require a heck of a lot of work, and others I can breeze through with little effort. Although there were some subjects I enjoyed in school, and if I applied myself I could have gotten really good grades, for the most part I hated the damn institution. Looking back, I wish I did apply myself more, because I feel like I was short-changed and could have done more. But that’s my stuff to deal with, which I am…sorry for the ramble….
So, to give you some info about me to keep things fresh – I’m writing this blog because I enjoy it, but also because I’m in the midst of making a career transition. I’m a writer. I write because I love it, it’s a part of me which I’ve neglected for the longest time, and although I’ve worked in so many different industries, I want to do what I love. I want to write. I want to share my experiences with everyone, with hopes to inspire them to live the life they want to, to it’s fullest, to learn from my life and to assist wherever possible.
I also like to receive feedback, whether it’s good or bad. In fact, I think any type of feedback is good – even if you tell me I’m full of crap. If you do decide to do that, I would appreciate an explanation as to why you think so, as I see it as an opportunity to look at things in a different way, sometimes in ways that I wouldn’t have even thought of before. I also love a good debate – nothing like a good’ol discussion to try to get your point across, and exercise your mind. How fun!
And if you want to know my views on something, or want me to write about something in particular or even want to test your writing skills and be a guest blogger, let me know – either on my blog or via email. I’m open to anything.
“One of the greatest feelings in life is the conviction that you have lived the life you wanted to live-with the rough and the smooth, the good and the bad-but yours, shaped by your own choices, and not someone else’s.” ― Michael Ignatieff
I would like to say that the last few weeks have been such an awakening time for me, but I’m not so sure of this. Has it been a few weeks? Or could it have been months? Or perhaps it’s a year? Does it really matter? Part of me would like to find out, but at the same time, maybe it’s irrelevant. More importantly it is the events which took place that really is of impact.
I have a sense that I am going through a transformation. I am no longer the person I was, and at this point in time, I don’t k now who I am. This is what I am trying to figure out. However, I must admit that I feel like I’m a piece of Play-Doh. Yup, that’s right, good’ol Play-Doh. I’m playing around trying to sculpt myself into a masterpiece. This is so exciting and yet really scary at the same time.
Here’s the thing, with Play-Doh the possibilities are endless. I can be as beautiful and big as I want. I get to choose what colours I want to use, how I want to look. I can be a rose, a swan, a bear, or even just a big blob. It’s up to me. I can take my time, and carve out the find details of my work, or I can be rough and throw things together. I decide what I want to be. It’s my choice; my sculpture.
But I find that when you’re playing with Play-Doh, building your creation, there are always bits and pieces that fall off to the side. You don’t use these pieces. They’re left behind, and you save them just in case you may need them later on. Most times you don’t because they just dry out. And when you use different colour dough for your art, trying to separate them later on becomes difficult, and as a result the two colours will be joined together forever. And if the colours don’t work well together, this means when you mix the dough up again, the colours will merge and become an ugly brown.
So I guess what I’m trying to say, or admit to myself is that I really need to think about what masterpiece I want to be. I must take the time to think things through. I need to ensure that the pieces that I leave behind are not the crucial ones I will need to survive. That the colours I choose to use, when blended together, actually complement one another, and don’t turn an ugly brown. I don’t lose sight of the end piece.
And the neatest thing about Play-Doh is that if my masterpiece really isn’t what I imagined myself to be, I can reshape myself until I’m satisfied. I am flexible to adapt to any situation. What an awesome feeling!
“She’s my teacher, my adviser, my greatest inspiration” – Whitney Houston
Photo by Amy Arroyo
Yesterday was Mother’s Day. Normally it’s a day that we honour our mothers and thank them for everything they have done for us. This year I decided to do that, and something more. I decided to reflect on what it is to be a mother, and honour my daughter for gifting me with the opportunity of being a mother. I looked back on the last six years of my life to the remarkable moment when she was born. On that day I suddenly found myself face to face not only with a little baby minutes old, but someone who would one day be a little girl, and then a woman. I knew then that I was in for the ride for my life. I saw the tremendous responsibilities I would face, and also the unmentionable joys she would bring. OMG!
Shortly after she was born I found that my life was turned upside down. It was as if an earthquake took place and the earth cracked open and swallowed me up. Everything I knew had shifted and all the deep feelings inside of me which I had covered up were unearthed. Somehow, everything that did not make sense to me became clear – all the stuff that I didn’t understand about my mother. Double OMG!
So yesterday I looked at how my life has changed since this little creature decided to crawl into it and what she has taught me thus far. Where do I even start to tell you what she taught me? I’ll guess I’ll start with her rules to live by. She states (and is right of course) that “The secret to a happy life is to: 1. Don’t take anything too seriously 2. Make sure you have fun 3. Use your imagination”
Not bad for a six year old!
So I’ve been trying to apply her wisdom to everything I do. And with that have learned countless lessons as a result of following her three rules. I think I can write an entire book of the lessons she has taught me, but for now I’ll name a few: She has taught me what it is to believe, what courage and strength is all about, and how to love and dream. And of course, she is oblivious to all of this because she is only six years old.
There were days when I would be filled with exhaustion. When I have been brought down to my knees and didn’t think that I could deal with one more thing without having a major freak attack – not one ounce of energy was left in me. I would find myself wanting to curl up in the corner in a fetal position, screaming at the top of my lungs to God, telling him off and saying “Ok, you’ve got me! I give up!!” And then, my little girl would step in and become my personal cheer leader. For example, there was a time when I was having a battle with the kitchen cabinets and I was losing in the most pathetic way. I was ready to throw in the towel, or better yet take a sledge hammer to them, and then cry when she says “Way to go Mommy! Look at what you did! I knew you could do it!” And I knew then that I could keep going. I did accomplish a lot. It didn’t matter what the world would throw my way, that because of her, I knew that I could get through anything some way, somehow. I learned that success doesn’t come from everything being perfect all the time, but from trying, failing and trying again. Or better yet, being happy with what you have already accomplished. And every time I would continue to try, my belief in myself would grow just that bit more. I learned that it doesn’t matter where I am, there is someone who believes in me, and she is the most precious angel of all.
In the past when I was afraid to do something, I would tirelessly try to dodge whatever needed to get done. My fear would paralyze me. But with this little delicate, yet fiercely brave girl, I find that there is nothing that could challenge or try to defeat me. There is nothing else that matters more in this world to me that my daughter. The courage that this little girl has brought to me allows me to crush down anything that stands in the path between me and her. I find that I am able to stare down into the darkness and look fear right in the eye and say “get out of the way or else you will get hurt.” I learned that strength comes from standing up, facing things and doing what’s right even if sometimes you must stand alone. I have been faced with many challenges which I wish upon no one and the biggest one being not know if my daughter had a life-threatening condition. I had to find the courage to take her to the children’s hospital and having her tested, at the same time being scared down to my very core all the while being calm and supportive of her. It’s a delicate skill to have to be shaking in your boots, be graceful like a ballerina and smile like a beauty queen all at the same time. You should try it some time. You’ll feel like an idiot, but it does work. Really, it does!
I am also going to let you in on a little secret that we both share: A hug can sometimes say more than words ever can. It can make all the difference between having a good day or having a bad day. It’s a way to communicate that no matter what happened just now, it’s all ok. In between those arms is a comfortable place to get support, to lean, to hide. It’s a safe place to go to. It’s a way to say I love you without words. My daughter and I hug all the time, every chance we get. I see in her that she pays this forward. As a result of our being affectionate with each other, she, like me, has come to feel more deeply, question more deeply and ultimately love more deeply. And knowing that we have each other’s arms to return to whenever we want, it’s a reminder that we are there for each other. She knows that the door is always open if she wants to talk, to share things with me, now or in the future. She knows that I love her, and I know that she loves me – no matter what. She knows that I love her just because. It’s also a great time to have silly time together, and laugh. Nothing beats a great hug.
My daughter is the most beautiful gift that I have received. She brightens my day and warms my heart. It’s difficult being a Mom, I don’t deny it. There is no way to be a perfect mother, as such a thing does not exist. But I strive to be a good mom. I strive to teach my beautiful daughter the art of living, just as she has taught me the very same thing. When I was pregnant, I found it odd that I was never alone, even though there was no one else in the room with me. And now that she is six years old, I still find that I’m never alone, as she is always in my thoughts. Before I do anything I always find that I have to think twice, once for me and once for her. I feel that she and I are connected to one another. She keeps me straight and true as she is the spine in my body. She keeps me strong by being the blood which runs through me. She is in my heart and keeps it beating. She is in my soul as she is my energy. She is my biggest supporter and shares with me little wisdoms each day. She shaped me into the person I am today. I now cannot imagine how I ever lived without her.
