“Amanda: Oh no, no, no! Are you going to suck my blood?
Kyrian: Do I look like a lawyer to you?”
―Sherrilyn Kenyon, Night Pleasures
Money makes the world go round. Some people have a lot of it. Others, well, not so much. And then there are those who could care less for it. Me, I belonged to all three of the groups above at one point or another.
I came from a middle class working family. We had the things to make for a comfortable life, we had fun, but we also had to be careful of how we spent our money. My upbringing taught me the value of a dollar, how much you need to work for it. My first few jobs were at minimum wage, which meant that most times I would hold down two jobs, even while I attended school.
I’m not cheap or frugal, but spending money was always difficult for me. My ex and I both come from an European background which means that when we were planning for our wedding, we were planning for the biggest party of our life. We had hundreds of people attend, absolutely crazy! Some of these people were relatives whom I don’t even remember meeting before!! And with this large party came a large bill. Oh boy.
It didn’t end there. Along with planning our wedding, we were also planning for the purchase of our home. Ten years later I still remember sitting in the real estate lawyers’ office signing away what appeared to me as signing my life over to the devil. Boy was I ever anxious that night. I went from my subway fare being my largest expense to a mortgage. What a huge difference…a mere hundred dollars a month to a thousand dollars. I thought that I was strapped for life and I wouldn’t see a new pair of shoes for years. What the heck did I get myself into?
But I survived. And I got new shoes.
Over the years, money didn’t seem to be too much of an issue anymore. We didn’t have a lot of it, but we were comfortable. It was tight at times, but overall we were ok. I was still able to buy shoes, and for my daughter too. There were times when we had to give away our money – to the government, to people, to banks. And it hurt – a lot. We worked hard for our money, and to see it go away like that was just so unfair.
But I got used to it – unfortunately. And these days I’ve actually become very comfortable with giving it away. And my daughter and I now have become quite used to living as a minimalists do. Since the separation I have had to donate to my lawyer a lot of money. I didn’t want to, but really, I didn’t have a choice. Many people have told me that my lawyer is taking advantage of me, sucking my money away like a vampire sucks blood. Most lawyers are likely that way, but not mine. He would discourage litigation. He would persuade us to mediate, compromise wherever possible. And at the end of the day, he was doing his job. If my ex and I couldn’t get along, what was he supposed to do? As a peacemaker, he knows that he has a choice between being a good man and a greedy man, and a good man he is. I honestly don’t think he is comfortable with causing undue conflict, creating a messy divorce, anymore than a mortician wants to have his patient sit up on the table after he’s finished doing him up.
The point of my ramblings is money is money. It’s important, sure, but it’s not everything. It’s easy to get used to living within your means when you don’t become attached to material things. I have far less of it than ever before, however I feel that I am richer than ever. I find that too many people spend money they haven’t earned yet to buy things that they really don’t want in order to impress people that they don’t like. However, I’m happy with what I have and don’t have. I’ve learned to live without a lot, even new shoes!
