November 2011 – Smartie Knows

When I Grow Up

November 28, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Emotions, Meaning

Recently I was goofing around with my daughter, laughing, singing, dancing and being crazy. She is a creative kid, very much into the arts. She’s an excellent artist, writer, singer and dancer – and she’s only 6. Of course, I’m her Mom, and every Mom is biased of their child, but this kid has talent!

Did I mention that she’s a thinker too? The both of us are, and I can imagine what it’s going to be like when she’s older and we have our philosophical conversations, because right now they are down right interesting. She leaves me speechless all the time.

That day she posed this question to me: “Mommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

Now, how the heck do I answer that? I AM grown up now. When I was younger, I wanted to be a writer and so I tell her this. And then she asks “Why aren’t you a writer now?” I think, Oh boy, now what do I say? So I answer “I don’t know honey.” And then she proceeds on asking “When are you going to become one?” And I think to myself, she’s onto something and so I respond “Soon honey, but I first need to find out how to become one, and I’m going to do that right now.”

I have always enjoyed writing, though I was never confident in it and especially sharing it with others wasn’t even a thought. I couldn’t even fathom making a living from it. And so, such innocent questions from my little girl got me thinking (not ever a good thing) and I thought “Why not? What’s there to loose?”

My daughter probably doesn’t know it, but she has given me an enormous gift. She gave me the courage to pursue what I have always wanted to do. I always tried to set a good example for her and I want her to believe that she can do whatever she chooses to with life. She has the entire world as her playground. But with those questions, how could I not pursue writing? I would be contradicting everything I have taught her until now and what I’m striving to teach her. I don’t want her to think that she can’t be whatever she wants to be, that she has to be unhappy in life. No way. I want her to be a confident, successful woman (like every parent).

As I write this right now I’m faced with job uncertainty. I will likely find out today if I will still have a job next month (3 days from now) as the company I work for may shut down (which is likely that they will). This is happening only after joining the company a short two months ago, and after being unemployed for five months prior to that. It’s a crappy situation for anyone to be in, especially a single Mom.

However, I firmly believe that things happen for a reason. And so with this job uncertainty, I am viewing it as an opportunity to launch my website, to write, to work on what I love. Sure, I’m not going to be earning an income right away from this (or maybe never – who knows), and I will need to still work in order to pay bill, but this is ok. I won’t know what will happen unless I try. The first step in all of this is making a mind shift from “I’m wanting to be a write” to “I am a writer” which I have already done.

I won’t consider failing, even if I don’t earn an income. If things don’t work out, it’s not because I failed, because failing means not trying in the first place. I tried, and that’s what I define as success – trying. And if I don’t earn an income, that’s ok. I will still continue writing, because this is what I love to do.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I’m a Princess

November 25, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Emotions, Love, Relationships

Don’t wait for Prince Charming, because he’s too lazy to leave his castle. Wait for your Knight in Shining Armor who will fight for you. – Anonymous

I’m a romantic. A huge romantic. I read all kinds of romance novels when I was younger, and I fantasized what it would be like to be swept off my feet by a tall, dark, handsome man. I want the roses and chocolates. I want to be taken out to dinner at a nice fancy restaurant, and then go dancing. I want the works. I want to be a Princess. What girl doesn’t?

All my life I wanted my Prince Charming to arrive. I pictured it in my mind what it would be like when he did. With anticipation as I sat in the bell tower, on the lookout for my Prince riding on his stallion, making his way towards the castle. I was anxious for him to come and save me, to pick me up in his arms and carry me off into the sunset. And so I waited for him, and waited, and waited …. I was bored stiff, twirling my hair with a finger and blowing bubbles with my chewing gum…I waited.

And he never came. And so rather than being Rapunzel, I became Fiona (from Shrek Forever After). Basically, I had to free myself out of the tower and I had to fight for myself. I had to become independent, self-reliant – become a Warrior Princess.

At times I relied on others for help, and am grateful for what they have provided. But there is something about being able to do things for yourself – a satisfying feeling. Being pushed into a corner where you are forced to look inside yourself, dig deep and pull out every ounce of strength and courage is empowering, despite all the fear you feel. I’ve broke down crying many times, thinking that my life was hopeless but then I felt something move inside. My Warrior Princess speaks up and says “Come on girl, put on your big girl pants!”

I had the belief that if I was to be a Warrior Princess, that I couldn’t have a Prince Charming. It wasn’t possible for them to co-exist. I still longed desperately for that Prince Charming, and I met him. We lived happily together. Sure we had our rough patches, but it didn’t seem so bad at the time, or so I thought. Until my lightbulb went off and I realized that my Warrior Princess was smothered and shackled, and I had lost myself, and he wasn’t the Prince Charming I was dreaming of.

I had a tough decision to make.

And I had to think thoroughly what I wanted. I still want the romance (which I never did get), I still want someone who will treat me like a princess, and I still want to be a Warrior Princess. But how could all this be possible? I promised myself that I would not compromise myself this time though. I know what I want, and I will find him. I know that he exists, I will just wait. But this time I won’t be in a bell tower waiting to be saved. No, I won’t. I will be enjoying my days. And I won’t be on the look-out for Prince Charming either. And I will not settle for anything less than the Knight of My Love.

Loner!

November 24, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Emotions, Love, Relationships

“The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.” – Pearl S. Buck

I’m a loner. I said LONER, not loser! Actually, allow me to correct myself – I WAS a loner.

Despite being a loner, recently I have allowed myself to be surrounded by people who care about me, who are able to provide me with support. This is huge, a really big deal for me, as I h a v e i n t i m a c y i s s u e s. Yes, I admit it, I do, and I’m working on them. And no, your eyes aren’t screwy and I didn’t make a mistake – I purposely spaced the words like that. I think it looks cool.

So back to what I was saying about my i n t i m a c y i s s u e s. Until recently, probably until around the time my daughter was born, I have not been able to successfully create a close bond with people, really connect with them. I think there is a direct relation between my i n t i m a c y i s s u e s and certain events which took place in the past. Since I was a little girl, I learned that people will do the following things: either hurt you, leave you or try to control you. So to protect myself, I would put up an invisible wall which prevented people from getting really close to me.

Life until now has been lonely. I mean really lonely. I could be sitting in a room filled with people I know, even all my life, and I would feel exceptionally alone. I might as well have been the only person in the room. Actually, I probably would have preferred that, as I would have felt much more comfortable. At least I wouldn’t have to pretend to not feel uncomfortable. I have no issues with being alone. I cherish my alone time. It’s the time I get to think, decompress and be in the moment with myself. And I had a lot of time to get to used to being alone. But there is a difference between being alone, and being lonely. Feeling lonely is H O R R I B L E (hahaha, I like doing that).

Dictionary.com defines each as follows: Lonely: unhappy as a result of being without the companionship of others eg. a lonely man. Alone: separate, apart, or isolated from others eg. I want to be alone.

I didn’t realize that I was actually making myself lonely. How weird is that? The very thing that I hate, I was purposely doing to myself. Let me give you an example. I assumed that when you were in a relationship with another person – whether it be a friend, lover, relative etc, you had to be everything to that person. I have found that eventually, the other person would feel smothered, and I would try harder until I reached the point where I would feel rejected. I would become resentful of the person because they weren’t grateful for what I was doing for them, and eventually they would become angry at me because I wouldn’t hear what they were trying to convey. In the end, it wasn’t a satisfying relationship for either of us. My expectations were too high, I demanded too much from the person and the relationship and sometimes, so did the other person. I wanted to be their best friend, their banker, their go-to person, their assistant, their maid etc. This isn’t right. This is downright ludicrous! This is what probably contributed to the breakdown of my marriage.

We must not be everything to someone. Let me put it this way: at work, we aren’t expected to be the CEO, the accountant, the sales person, the customer service representative and the marketer all at the same time or maybe ever. So why do we have such expectations in a relationship? We have our strengths and weaknesses, plain and simple, and our relationships should be based on them. So I have come to accept that I won’t always be everything to someone. I actually demand that I am not. I won’t always be the person that someone confides in. I may not be the one to gets called on to run an errand, or go out drinking, or just to hang out. And I’m OK with this, because quite frankly, it would be too stressful if I was. And really, how could I possibly support someone the way I’d like to? When someone finds that they need me, I know that it’s because I am able to give that certain something they are looking for in that moment. So now I have different people I go to for different things. I go to one for emotional support, another for a kick in the butt and another for help with strategic thinking. And I’m probably those same things for different people as well.

I also accept that it’s not possible to force a relationship to be something that it is not, without change taking place with both parties. It’s not good enough to just want it to be a certain way. Part of the change process is to let go of the past, and to leave it there. It’s impossible to move forward with life while dragging the past along with you.

Sure, memories will always be there, good and bad, but carrying around the burden of anger and guilt when you are truly trying to move forward, won’t do any good. It is what prevents you from moving on, hinders the relationship from growing. You might as well give up on your intentions to move forward if you’re going to carry this luggage around. It won’t get you anywhere. And this is what contributes to a life of loneliness, to being a loner. How can people enjoy being with you when they are being constantly reminded of what happened in the past? Why would anyone want to be in that situation? What joy is there in this type of relationship? And so the loneliness continues.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. It took a while for me to understand this, to come to this conclusion. But now that I have, it has alleviated a lot of the depression and let down that I have been carrying around with me. I feel lighter. Because I struggled so much with relationships and intimacy, this was a breath of fresh air, it brought hope. This has been a big learning process for me and I’m still learning. I have experienced support and love where I least expected, resistance to the changes I’m making, strength when I thought I would break and comedy in times of despair. And I’m looking forward to discovering more.

Ready For The Ride?

November 21, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Being Present, Emotions

Life is funny. And it should definitely be treated that way. It shouldn’t be taken seriously. Not at all! If you do, boy are you in for an unpleasant time. This is something I have had a hard time learning, and I think I’ve finally reached a place of understanding. Basically, I have learned the hard way that you have a choice with life. Either you decide to enjoy it, or hate it. It’s black and white. No grey matter here.

Everyone has their bad days. But sometimes those days can turn into weeks, or months, and sometimes years. It could feel as if life has thrown you to the grown and is constantly kicking you in the gut. Every time you gather up enough strength to kneel, the kick gets harder and your thrown further. Imagine that really happening to you. How would you feel? What would you do?

But WHY are you being kicked? WHY are you being thrown? Those are questions that we rarely ask ourselves?

I’ve come to believe that when I reached this stage, it’s because I didn’t pay attention to the signs which were sent my way. The arrows pointing down a different path, the tightness in my chest when I wasn’t comfortable with a decision I made, the panic attacks when I was in an environment that wasn’t right for me. Life doesn’t kick you down for no reason. It starts with little “hmmm” moments, and when you don’t pay attention to those, then it sends people to drop comments. When those are ignored, then the neon signs come out. Once we turn away from those, then it pulls out the big guys. You’re thrown and kicked. It’s pleading “listen to me, dammit!!”

In other words, you’ve reached rock bottom. Now what? Yes, life sucks at that moment. You feel shitty, you feel worthless, you feel alone. Good, I’m glad! Yes, I’ve said that. And do you feel angry? I’m so happy to hear that! And let me tell you why – because you have a spark still inside of you. That shittiness feeling – that’s a form of self respect. That anger is justice, that worthlessness – a standard to exceed.

So my dear, my point is, you have a choice. You can continue feeling that way, or you can decide that ever curve ball life throws you has a choice to be made – are you going to learn and see how you can love yourself more from it? Or will you pitty yourself and feel crummy.

I hear a lot these days from friends who are amazed at how happy I am, how I have it all together and how they don’t understand why I’m not a mess. In the last 18 months my father died, my marriage fell apart, I was assaulted, lost my job and am forced to move into another house, all the while raising a 5 year old alone. I could have easily been committed to a mental institution, but decided to look at I could become a student of life. As a result of this decision, I have been able to become fluid, navigate my way around easily and adapt to any situation. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy. It’s been the most difficult period in my life, but I wouldn’t change a thing. I’m happiest I’ve ever been! I’ve had my days where I have broken down, lost hope and wanted to run away from everything, but I have noticed that those spouts are becoming much more infrequent, and the duration a lot shorter. No longer do my panic attacks or anxiety episodes last days. I’m happy that they last only a few hours. I’ve also learned to view them as not breaking down because I’m weak, but rather breaking down the crap in order to build something more beautiful – me.

I have found out that I may lose my job once again. The company I work for is in financial trouble. In the past I would have stressed and lost sleep over it. Sure, I’m concerned, but what can I do about this? I’m not in charge, I don’t own the company. If I am laid off, that’s fine. I will find employment again. I have plans b and c in place. But I will enjoy the ride.
It boils down to this – are you going to enjoy the ride, have your hands up in the air and laugh your ass off? Or are you going to cover your eyes and hope that it will all go away? The choice is yours

God, I Hate You

November 21, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Meaning, Spirituality

A spiritual director is a shrink for your spirit. I went to see one this weekend, and boy did I every need the help. As I mentioned in my other post Dazed and Confused, I’m not religious – far from it! I believe that there is a God, but don’t get the church thing, the bench aerobics and how Jesus and the Holy Spirit fit in.

Growing up, I went to church every Sunday (I felt not by choice), and would spend the long, gruesome hour day-dreaming. I figured, that since my thoughts weren’t visible, and nobody could possibly know what I was thinking, why not. It’s not that anyone could control what I was thinking, so why not do what I wanted to do mentally if physically I couldn’t. Once in a while I would get the urge to listen to what was being said in church. The gospel would be read, and I would find it interesting sometimes. Then the priest would ruin it by lecturing. I just didn’t understand his line of thinking. I am of the belief that God loves us, no matter what we do, but the message I would hear was one that was very punitive, demeaning and one of trying to instill fear in the church community. I would hear “you must do this or God will be angry at you!” Really? Come on people.

With time, I began to question if there was a God. I would look at all that happened in my life and think “why?”. I felt isolated, alone, unable to connect with anyone – especially God. I would think “would a loving God allow this to happen?” I know people who live by what the church tells them to do, and are fearful to stray and crappy things would still happen them. And so I would question that if there was a God, then why would these things happen? A few times I tried talking to God and very quickly realised that either I didn’t know how, or I felt too stupid do. I felt like a kid speaking to an imaginary person. How silly it would be to see someone talking to themselves. And half of the prayers I was taught in school, I didn’t understand, so what’s the point in praying if I didn’t know what was being said. I don’t want to give the impression that I stopped believing, because I didn’t. I just continued to ask the question “is there a God?”

So I found myself sitting in the rectory in an Anglican church (what is it with Anglican churches? The one I sat in last week was Anglican too), waiting for the priest. The next thing I know, I’m saying to him as he enters the room “if you’re going to preach to me about religion, tell me right now, because this way you won’t waste my time, and I won’t waste yours.” He must have found amusement in my reaction, as he chuckled and I felt the heat just crawl up my neck and into my cheeks. Nice first impression, Smartie. Good one!

The Spiritual Director laughed and said that he won’t. He doesn’t care if I’m Catholic, Jewish or alien, and his only job is to help with the spirit. God is God no matter what denomination I belong to. And with that, I asked him “how do you know that God exists?” Well, apparently, there isn’t an easy answer. There weren’t easy answers to any of the questions I asked, so let me give you a run down of what I learned:

God is everywhere, including inside of us. He is like energy. He doesn’t live in the clouds and look down on us.
Just like with our children, we get upset with them, we continue loving them. Apparently God is the same with us
Jesus is the manifestation of God in human form, so that we can relate to him and we don’t have to talk to an invisible entity (and feel silly doing it)
The Holy Spirit is the love which flows between beings and things (how cool is that?)
While in the midst of things, we may not see God, but when you look back, you can see where he was present eg. The man at the church appearing when I needed someone to talk to
It’s really ok to be pissed off at God, and yell at him if you feel you need to

The last point I brushed off at first, but really hit home last night. Last night was a hard night. Ever hear of the term “the dark night of the soul?” Well, this could have been it for me last night, or perhaps a bit of it. I was in hysterics and continuously punching my pillow and yelling at God. At first I felt silly doing it and then it was as if the flood gates crashed opened. Out came all the angry I was hoarding inside. I really told him off. I used every swear word I knew, questioned all the things that I went through and really let him have it. I’m surprised that I wasn’t struck by lightning in the forehead. With what I was saying, I sure deserved it. But you want to know something? It felt friggin awesome yelling at God. Think about it, how often do you have the opportunity to yell at someone, really yell to the point where you’re blinded by your tears and your throat is raw from screaming, and they don’t try to argue back. They allow you to call them every horrible name imaginable and they don’t try to stop you. How often are you able to beat something to the point of exhaustion, and then you’re held in comfort afterwards?

I’ll be honest, when I finished yelling at God I didn’t really feel held right away, but when I finally fell asleep this morning, after hours of crying and yelling, there was a calmness around me. I think that maybe I needed to clean the air between us, between God and me. And quite frankly, it feels good that I can be on such a personal level with him. It is truly a relationship between father and child. If your child is angry at you and yells at you, calls you names, sure, you’ll be upset, but you will still support her, you won’t stop loving her. And I finally get it. That’s what it’s like with me and God…And he rocks.

I Have A Not-So-Great Secret

November 18, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Being Present, Love

I’d love to share it with you, but I’m not sure if you can handle it. It’s something you already know, but you probably don’t do anything about. In fact, most of us don’t.

My secret is….we all are going to die one day. Yep, that’s right, we are.

This morning I logged onto Facebook and saw a status update which belongs to my little cousin (who isn’t so little anymore) set to “R.I.P [friend’s name] I love you ♥” My heart broke to read those words. She is in her early twenties, which means her friend is likely the same age. I had an opportunity to briefly chat with her on Skype, and I found out that she was with this friend last night, and he died in an accident between then and the early hours of this morning.

After our chat, I sat there a little while thinking (never a good thing) about the question I asked her: “did your friend die suddenly?” I sat there wondering what exactly does this question mean? Is death not a guarantee in life? It’s not like we have a choice to NOT die. If you’re born, you can bet your socks off that you are going to die. I don’t think the impact of someone dying in an accident is any greater than someone who dies while fighting a terminal illness. In the end they both leave us.

Perhaps it’s because we tend to believe that we will live forever, even though we know that this isn’t possible, and therefore plan and live our lives according to this belief. We don’t do the things that truly matter to us, and we don’t spend time with the people we want to. We insist on getting the laundry done, when our children plead with us to spend at least five minutes playing on the floor with them. We stay in a job we find meaningless, when we actually crave to do something satisfying. And we torture ourselves to stay in an unhealthy relationship for fear of being the ‘bad’ person by ending it or being alone.

Face it, every time someone we love dies, we get hit in the head with the “life is too short” bat. And when the pain subsides, the bruises disappear, we revert back to our old habits. Why do we do this? I’m not so sure but I think it has to do with fear. A fear of uncertainty. A fear of making life changing decisions. A fear of getting what we want. For some, changing jobs is just as stressful as getting married, or divorced. It’s scary. And please don’t think that I’m saying that choosing to put a load into the laundry over playing with your kid is so bad, and is a difficult life changing decision. But when it’s done on a constant basis, you have to figure out WHY you do that. WHY is changing jobs so difficult. WHY do you choose misery over happiness? Once you figure this out, it will make the work of reprogramming those neurons easier.

So maybe I’m onto something. Maybe it is fear of change that keeps us from living our lives to it’s fullest. Some people think that to live the life you want is to overhaul your life all at once. But you don’t! Even when it appears that you don’t have a choice, you actually do. Babies are a perfect example of this. They don’t come out of the whomb walking and running. Heck, they can’t even lift their heads! It’s a learning process – life is a learning process. It takes baby steps – first to sit, then you crawl and then you walk. So why do we expect change to occurr all at once?

Let me share what’s been happening with me. Recently I went through, and am still going through a lot of change in my life. Most of it not by choice. I feel as if my life has become an Etch A Sketch pad, and someone is shaking the damn thing so hard that everything I know and have been comfortable with has been erased from my life. However, one thing I learned through all of this, is that I have at every moment a decision which needs to be made – what is life-giving to me at this moment? Sometimes it means that the laundry will have to wait, and other times I give my daughter a piggy-back ride to the laundry room and she helps me change loads. And some times it means ending a life-long relationship and changing all that I know.

What is the point to this question? It allows you to LIVE your life in the moment – be present. It breaks down those huge, life changing decisions and moments into little bite-sized pieces. All in all – it allows you to LIVE LIFE.

What is the life-giving decision you’ve made today?

Dazed and Confused

November 17, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Spirituality, Understanding

I had an interesting afternoon yesterday. I suddenly found myself unable to hold a thought, not able to focus on the task at hand (and yes, that does happen to me more often than I’d like to admit). But eventually my head grew heavy, my chest became very tight and I had a huge crater grow into the pit of my stomach. Nothing out of the ordinary happened to cause these sensations, they just snuck up on me out of the blue. I wasn’t sure what to think of them, I decided to go for a walk.

In a foggy daze I wandered along the streets near my office building. It came to me as a complete shock to find myself walking up the stairs to the entrance of a church. I’m not a religious person though I was born and raised in a catholic family. I am, however, in the process of discovering my spirituality.

I was also surprised to find a peaceful comfort in the silence of this beautiful church. It felt like a blanket comforting me. I sat there alone in the silence contemplating my recent life events, wishing that I had someone to talk to about them. I felt somewhat alone.

I’m not sure for how long I sat there, it must have been for quite a while as I was startled to hear a gentle voice say “Oh my, you’re crying. Would you like to talk?” I looked around to see who this man was speaking to. No one was there when I had arrived, and I didn’t hear anyone walk in. It was then I noticed that he was talking to me. I WAS THE PERSON CRYING!

He sat on the bench in front of me and I remember immediately feeling safe. I was in awe with his kind eyes and his beautiful aura. Before I knew it, I had poured the darkest secrets I held in my heart to him. He listened without judgement, validating my feelings and encouraged me to go on. This familiar stranger essentially saved me. I was beaten down by life, he helped me bandage my wounds, and now I am able to wear them proudly.

The bizarre piece in all of this is that this kind soul is not religious either. In fact, he is very much interested in the Buddhist teachings. He felt drawn to the church as well. He too wasn’t sure as to why.

Carl Jung defines synchronicity as the coincidental occurrence of events and especially psychic events (as similar thoughts in widely separated persons or a mental image of an unexpected event before it happens) that seem related but are not explained by conventional mechanisms of causality.

Is this synchronicity? Or was my wish granted? Doesn’t matter. I appreciate the gift of kindness.

Don’t Pick Your Nose

November 17, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Being Present, Relationships, Understanding

Please! And don’t do it in public – EVER. Because there are people who are watching that you’re not aware of – like me.

One of my favorite things to do is to people watch, and that’s what I’m doing as I’m writing this post. I’m sitting on the subway on my way to work and I’m watching the people around me. I find it fascinating to observe them and try to figure out their stories. So much you can find out about a person just by quietly watching them.

For example, the woman sitting directly in front of me is twirling her wedding band with her thumb, she is slouching, constantly checking her cell phone and is lost in thought. I suspect she may have a family member on her mind, and could be waiting to receive some important news. She looks like she could use a hug, but for some reason, I have a fear of being arrested for hugging a stranger kind of trumps my need to comfort her!

The man to the right of me is very rigid, looking at his watch and is huffing and puffing every few seconds. He is clearly agitated with something – perhaps the subway service? As a result, everyone is steering clear of him. Amazing that no one wants to get within two feet of him considering the subway is packed. He likely wouldn’t take kindly to the idea of me writing about him. He’d probably be pissed! Hehehehe.

The school girl seems very bored, and doesn’t seem to want to go wherever she is going – probably school. She’s standing at the doors, staring at the floor, listening to her iPod and doesn’t even notice the movement around her. She doesn’t even notice me watching her!

What is the point to my rambling? I do have one – I promise. My point is this: we don’t have to connect with people on an intimate level to appreciate what they are feeling. We may not know the intimacies of their situation, but we can see a bit into their lives if we try.

I could be totally off with my assumption of what the root issue is for the ring-twirler and why she is feeling what she is feeling, but I can see the concern on her face. I don’t know what is irritating the grumpy guy next to me, but I can tell that he isn’t happy. And I don’t know why the school girl isn’t happy, but I can tell that she has no joy at the moment. I am asking that you just take a look and really see the people around you. You can do something so little to help change their day.

All it took was to smile at the ring-twirler, and some of the tension eased form her face. I picked up the newspaper off the ground which slipped off of grumpy’s lap, and he relaxed for a moment, and the school girl, I complimented her on her shoes and she lit up.

What small gesture can you do today to help a total stranger out? It could mean the world of a difference to them.

I’m Selfish, Are You?

November 16, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Love, Meaning, Spirituality, Understanding

The other night my daughter and I were having our routine before bedtime chat, where we talk about anything and everything. That night we were talking about love. Such a huge topic for such a little girl. She said something to me which really didn’t sit well with me and got me thinking – and me thinking isn’t a good thing. I spent the entire night awake contemplating her words. These mind-numbing, sleep depriving words were:

“I love you more than I love myself.”

Normally, such words should pull on your heart strings and make you melt into a puddle of goo. But for me it didn’t. It did the exact opposite and made me wonder why she would feel that way, and think of all the ways in which I may have to reverse that train of thought.

Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore the fact that my daughter loves me so much. But it concerns me to think that she is devaluing herself and putting me before herself. That’s not how is should be. One must put themselves first, value themselves beyond anything else. They must be selfish when it comes to their love. Oh I know what you’re thinking now – I’ve used the selfish word. But you do, and before you decide to not continue reading this post, hear me out.

This is how I responded to my daughter. I told her that she should not love me more than she loves herself. There is nothing wrong with loving yourself more than anyone else in the world. She looked at me as if I had three heads and five eyes.

So I gave the following analogy:

Picture a tall glass on top of a table and a picture of water. Now pour the water into the glass and watch the water rise to the rim of the glass. Once it’s reached the rim, keep pouring until the water overflows and spills all over the table and onto the floor. Now imagine that your heart is the glass, and the water is your love. Your heart needs to be filled up with your own love in order for you to be happy with yourself, you be satisfied in your own skin. Only once your heart has been completely filled can you then love other people the way they need to be loved, freely without compromising yourself, without constraints.

But what happens when you try to love others without loving yourself? You are unhappy. You are unsatisfied. You slowly begin to resent the other person, and that relationship then becomes at risk of deteriorating. You slowly begin to hate your life. You then think that no one loves you, understands you, likes you. So, this is why I say it’s good to be selfish with your love as only then you are able to truly love freely. You are honoring yourself, and you should, because no one else can ever love you the way you know you need to be loved. And when you love yourself, life is just so friggin beautiful no matter what happens in it.

What did she say to this? She said “Ok Mommy, time to fill my sleep glass.”

Ever Have One of Those Moments?

November 14, 2011 by Manuela, posted in Relationships, Understanding

Have you ever had one of those moments where you’re going about your merry way, and all of a sudden, bam! you all of a sudden feel as if everything has become brighter? Or how about you go to work on the same route every day for five years and you finally notice that beautiful park just blocks away from your office building? Or how about that one person who you just can’t seem to get along with, you’re finally able to have a conversation with them without wanting to bang your head against the wall?

That’s what this blog is about – a collection of these wonderful lightbulb moments where you realise that life just doesn’t have to be that difficult. It’s about learning that there IS a choice to everything, and journey taken, which at times, is the path less travelled. It’s about the great, laugh your belly out times, the really bad “I don’t think I can go on” times, and the times in-between. It’s the “struck by lightning times” and the “I’m so filled with warm and cozy” times. All in all, it’s about living and learning.

I know I’m not alone with this. We all have these moments, and this journey is as much as yours as it’s mine. Let’s share what we have learned with each other, this way we can feel more connected.

Month: November 2011